Buddha Taught How to Repay One’s Debt to Their Parents

Buddha Taught How to Repay One’s Debt to Their Parents

By Nguyen Giac

Father’s Day is approaching. For many, it is a time to remember their fathers—the ones who sacrificed quietly, worked tirelessly to support their families, and taught us our earliest lessons about responsibility, honesty, and strength.

Repaying the kindness of one’s parents is a natural feeling for a child. It involves expressing gratitude, showing respect, and caring for them when they grow old and frail. However, according to the Buddha, repaying the debt owed to one’s parents is exceedingly difficult—so much so that hardly anyone can claim to have fulfilled it completely.

We often believe that filial piety means achieving academic success, maintaining a stable career, bringing honor to the family, and supporting our parents in their old age. While these are all noble goals, according to the Buddha, they do not constitute complete filial piety.

A person may be highly educated, widely knowledgeable, and socially accomplished; yet if they behave arrogantly toward their parents or teachers, they still create unwholesome karma. In the Saṃyutta Nikāya (SN 7.15), the Buddha met a brahmin named Mānatthaddha, whose name means “One Filled with Conceit.” He was known for refusing to bow even to his parents, relatives, or teachers.

When Mānatthaddha came to hear the Buddha teach, he remained silent, expecting the Buddha to greet him first. With His divine insight, the Buddha perceived this arrogance and recited verses urging him to abandon conceit and focus on the true purpose of seeking the Dhamma. Realizing that the Buddha had fully understood his mind, Mānatthaddha was deeply moved, bowed at the Buddha’s feet, and asked who was truly worthy of reverence.

The Buddha taught that one should not be arrogant toward one’s father, mother, elder brother, or teacher—these are individuals worthy of respect. One must also honor those who have been liberated from all defilements. Upon hearing this, Mānatthaddha joyfully took refuge in the Triple Gem. Through this teaching, we understand that parents stand foremost among those deserving reverence.

In the Aṅguttara Nikāya (AN 2.32-41), the Buddha taught that even if a person were to carry their father on one shoulder and their mother on the other for a hundred years; care for them, bathe them, massage them, and serve them wholeheartedly; or offer them a kingdom filled with the seven treasures, they would still not have repaid the debt of birth and upbringing.

So, what exactly is complete filial piety?

The Buddha taught that if one’s parents lack faith, one should help them develop it; if they do not live virtuously, one should encourage virtuous behavior; if they do not practice generosity, one should guide them to give; and if they lack wisdom, one should help them grow in wisdom. This is the highest form of filial piety, as it brings benefits not only in this life but also leads to enduring well-being. The Buddha Himself practiced this toward His father, King Suddhodana.

According to Buddhist sources, King Suddhodana was deeply sorrowful when Prince Siddhattha left the palace to renounce the world. Seven years later, upon hearing that his son had attained enlightenment, the king sent nine messengers to invite the Buddha to return. All nine, along with their attendants, heard the Dhamma and requested ordination. The king then sent Kaludayi, the prince’s close friend, to invite the Buddha. Kaludayi also ordained after meeting the Buddha but kept his promise to convey the invitation. The Buddha accepted and taught the Dhamma to his father during that visit.

Near the end of King Suddhodana’s life, the Buddha returned once more and taught the Dhamma to His father on his deathbed. The scriptures record that King Suddhodana attained arahantship before passing away. This is one of the most beautiful examples of filial piety in Buddhist history.

The scriptures repeatedly emphasize that honoring one’s parents is a profound blessing.

In the Dhammapada, verse 332 states that honoring one’s mother brings happiness, as does honoring one’s father. Happiness also arises from revering ascetics and noble beings.

This is the joy born from gratitude and reverence. One who honors their parents and virtuous individuals has already sown the seeds of happiness.

For a Buddhist practitioner, filial piety holds an even deeper significance. In verses 294-295 of the Dhammapada, the Buddha employs powerful metaphors about “killing one’s mother” and “killing one’s father.” These expressions are, of course, not meant to be taken literally. The verses state:

-- A Brahmin who has killed his mother and father, slain two warrior kings, and destroyed a kingdom along with its subjects walks on untroubled.

-- A Brahmin who has killed his mother and father, slain two learned kings, and killed a fierce tiger walks on untroubled.

These verses originated from the story of Elder Bhaddiya, a monk of small stature. One day, several monks visited the Buddha at Jetavana. As they sat with Him, Elder Lakundaka Bhaddiya happened to walk by. The Buddha directed their attention to him and said, “Monks, look at that Elder. He has killed both his mother and father, and after killing them, he walks freely without sorrow.” The monks did not understand and asked for clarification. The Buddha then explained the meaning.

In these verses, the Buddha describes an arahant---one who has eradicated craving, conceit, wrong views, and attachment to the sense bases---using metaphor. Here, “mother” and “father” symbolize craving and conceit; eternalism and annihilationism are depicted as the two warrior kings in verse 294 and the two learned kings in verse 295. The sense bases and their objects represent the kingdom; attachment to the twelve sense fields corresponds to the subjects; and the fierce tiger symbolizes the five hindrances.

In another discourse, AN 4.63, the Buddha taught that wherever parents are honored and cared for, that place is like the dwelling of Brahmā. Parents are regarded as the first teachers of their children and as worthy recipients of offerings.

Thus, honoring one’s parents is not merely a matter of worldly ethics but a profound and wholesome act that leads to heavenly happiness.

Human history is marked by war, separation, and displacement. Not everyone has the opportunity to be close to their parents or care for them. Many can only remember their parents through distant memories. Additionally, not everyone has the means to help their parents encounter the Dhamma as taught by the Buddha.

Still, whatever we do, we should do wholeheartedly.

If your parents are still alive, spend more time with them, speak kindly, and show them greater care. If they have passed away, you can still honor them by living a righteous life—studying and practicing the Dhamma, performing good deeds, writing about the Dhamma, and sharing teachings that help others understand and practice. Then, dedicate the merit to your parents from many lifetimes.

The Buddha taught that saṃsāra has no beginning. Throughout countless lifetimes, there is no being who has not been our father, mother, sibling, or child. Therefore, filial piety should not be limited to our immediate family but should extend into compassion for all beings. See all beings as your parents from many lifetimes, and do whatever you can to encourage one another in the practice.

Father’s Day is a time to remember the kindness of fathers in our lives. More importantly, it is an opportunity to cultivate gratitude, reverence, and mindfulness, as the Buddha taught. Among the many blessings of human life, honoring one’s parents is always one of the greatest.